You're so nebulous sometimes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
