I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
