He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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