I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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