we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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