508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
