I will die if light touches me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
