I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
love makes seman taste better
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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