fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
