I'm so fucking centered right now
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
