i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
