IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
