My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
