I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love having hate sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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