I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want a musical about memes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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