ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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