College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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