And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
