So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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