I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
