Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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