ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
