wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
