Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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