Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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