Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
two words...techno handjob
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
