You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
