I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
