And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
