9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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