listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
