You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
