I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
