just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
