Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and i looked up. we had an audience...
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
