He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
