He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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