Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
