it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
