i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
