is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
