bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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