i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
