Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Damn victory sex feels great
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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