Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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