I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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