I wish my penis had an off switch
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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