There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
