I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
