A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
