i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
