It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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