I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
